Lately I’ve pondering the new phenomenon (for me, anyway) of getting older. I just applied for Social Security and will be getting my first check next month. Consequently, I drastically cut back on my work because you are only allowed to make a certain amount of money as you collect Social Security.
I’ve recently realized that I can basically do anything I want at this point. That has its drawbacks, believe me. I’ve spent the last 20 years of my life raising my kids as a single mom and working to support them and after they left the nest, support myself. I worked my butt off, doing things I probably would not choose to do had I that option. So many times I reverently hoped that something would come up that I could slow down and enjoy life more, but it never did.
In my free time, I did service work, teaching Reiki, Crystals and Chakras, facilitating Reiki Circles and doing Astrological counseling and Tarot. It was a life of constant business. I feel deeply grateful for having the opportunity to work with people to be able to in some way help them along on their path. It’s deeply rewarding and I will continue to do what I can.
But here I am with all this time on my hands. And I wonder, what exactly will I do? Write? Travel? Lay on the beach day after day? So many options.
In the Tarot, I think that would be reflected in the 7 Cups. There the poor guy stands, all these options, and not really making a choice. I want the choice to be meaningful, not simply sense gratification.
Reflecting back on my life, it’s been one of devastating blows, heartbreak, and very hard work. It’s also been a life with intermittent joys, which have become so much more frequent in my old age. Seeing my children grow up into amazing human beings has been the most rewarding thing I’ve done. I have a feeling if that was all I’d done, it would be enough.
I remember posting this prayer on my wall during the height of my stressful younger years, single mother, working hard all week long, and running like heck the rest of the time:
Poem: “Slow Me Down, Lord” by Wilfred Arlan Peterson
Slow me down, Lord.
Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind.
Steady my hurried pace.
Give me, amidst the day’s confusion
the calmness of the everlasting hills.
Break the tension of my nerves and muscles
with the soothing music of singing streams
that live in my memory.
Help me to know the magical, restoring power of sleep.
Teach me the art
of taking minute vacations….
slowing down to look at a flower,
to chat with a friend,
to read a few lines from a good book.
of the fable of the hare and the tortoise;
that the race is not always to the swift;
that there is more to life than measuring its speed.
Let me look up at the branches of the towering oak
and know that … it grew slowly … and well.
to send my own roots down deep…
into the soil of life’s endearing values…
That I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny.
Slow me down, Lord.
It would appear someone was listening. That’s all for now, as this is all I know. LOL